Why my day became sad....

I love to think. Just love it. Hence my silence when I'm out and about. Watching and thinking. It's what I do. I thought about an idea... a movie... book... just an idea to try and have an influence. My idea would be to just be like a slide show. It would show a picture of a person. Either then or maybe how they would look today. They would be no longer on earth. The person shown would have died in one way or another by some control of humans. Example. Show image of a six year old girl. This is Sarah. She was raped and beaten to death at the age of six. Here is her today. The one who found a cure for Aids. This is John. (image of 22 year old) Died fighting for this country. Here is him at fifty six. He created a system that manages an anger within oneself. Crime in the whole country is down forty five percent. It would just have person after person that didn't choose to die, but did by someone else's hand. Is greatness brought upon someone before the even enter the world is what I started thinking about.

I can add someone to this in my own experience. Was greatness brought in this little being even before being brought out in the world? I will never know. This little being never entered this world... Entering this world for this little being was probably just unthinkable. (I really can't put what I thought... just can't)

I just finished high school. I was dating someone seriously while still in school. She was a year younger. In case no one caught the paragraph above. She became pregnant. She was a senior at the time. We played the keep everything a secret until everything starts becoming very obvious, which they already started happening. My parents found out first. My mom... eh... no big deal... my dad a bit upset, but it happens... Next was her parents. Her dad was a great guy. Always seemed calm and I never heard any anger come from him... Her mom on the other hand... Nice one second explosive the next. Very tempered. I don't think physical, but her voice is powerful enough. We told her parents. They had an idea and the dad asked calmly that it's time for me to leave. He then asked if my parents knew and I said yes. What came next was something to never expect.

Five and a half months into the pregnancy. Her mom called her a disgrace to the family... just tore her apart. Her family was Catholic... I guess her moms pride overpowered any catholic beliefs. I did everything. Everything. I went to planned parenthood... I had one of my supervisors call his lawyer brother to find out that a dad has zero rights when it's her body. The only hope I had was to stall the ordeal in four days because the baby would be too far along and be illegal. But I'm sure her mom knew the same. I even left a pleading note on her dads car to rethink this decision. I was confronted by the girl I was with to not hurt her family even more.

The process.... it was a two day process. The first day the wall of the uterus had to get some seaweed applied to it to have it expand to prep for extraction. This was my final plea chance. The girl called me up saying about her pain and if I could bring her a heating pad. And I did. Note at five and a half months you can feel a baby kicking.. and I felt the kicks many times. I told her to not go through with it. That baby knows she is going to die. The girl said the baby has been more frantic with her movements. The baby did know something was going to happen. Mom is not giving good signals and the baby picked it up. I tried saying see... the baby knows. But nothing.

We tried to salvage our relationship by being secretive. We even tried to go to prom together... but too much pain and we could barely look at each other. She was torn up. I had her brother threaten me when he caught me on ICQ under a different screen name. Said he had to take her to the clinic... and I told him you had a choice to not take her. A college kid still completely under control by her mom. We just slipped away and never spoke again.

My question... was my baby destined for greatness and did not even get the chance? I did not even get a chance to see what my baby looked like and I will never know.